Cut the Shit

Trust Me, I Know What I’m Talkin Bout

I decided that I better bust out this post today. If I put it off until this afternoon, SOMETHING will come up and I’ll have to do another post of “I’m a Liar and Please Don’t Hate Me”. There’s SO much pressure involved in keeping this site going. I mean, it’s like if I don’t write at least two posts a week than everyone zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…yeah yeah. Suck it up man.

Buckle up and let’s get down to bihness!

There are so many great things out there to enjoy that I find it my absolute duty to fill you in on them and to encourage you to open your mind and give some new music/tv/dishwashing detergent a chance. You’ll see what I mean in a minute.

First and absolutely foremost was the Project Runway finale last night. If you haven’t seen this show all season, I demand that you spend a lazy Saturday or Sunday afternoon watching the marathon. The show is very well done and addictive good fun! (ha…that rhymed)(sublimed) I thought that the final collections by the last three remaining designers were fairly lack luster; especially since Jay McCaroll rocked it out so hardcore at the end of season one. I was fully rooting for Daniel V. and his collection was by far my favorite. I thought his pieces were accessible and very well thought out. Unfortunately, it was darling Chloe who took home the top prize. That was ok, but mostly cuz Santino of doom didn’t win. If I had to hear him say “I’m the best designer” one more time, I would have puked on my couture. Personally, the best part of the show will always be when the winner of the competition is announced and that BASS kicks in. It’s like BOOM…BOOM…BOOM – ADIOS LOSER! This show is my heart and my soul. And if Tim Gunn runs for president, I’m totally voting for him.

Saw 2. Upon first viewing, I was like “ok”. Upon second viewing, I was like “OK”! Upon talking to Ari and her brother about it for 25 minutes, I was like “HELL YEAH!” The movie is full of tricky and creative deaths and with each one, I squeal in delight. When hot mother fucker Franky G picks up “Amanda” and throws her into the syringes…GASP! When the poor idiot of a whore reaches her hands up into a glass box of metal sharp edges…I cringe. Even the furnace, which wasn’t exactly gory, had me climbing the walls with horror. The sequel wasn’t nearly as powerful as the first one was, so I’ll probably only watch it 6 more times. Today.

If you have a dishwasher, then might I recommend using Electrasol 3-in-1 tabs with Jet-Dry Powerball? Paul brought home a giant container of it last week and man! I just love it! The powerball is like a pearl of dishwashing magic. It’s convenient, affordable, and fun. Give it a whirl!

The Chumscrubber. I just love indie movies. I love them I love them I love them. And the weirder they are, the more I love them. This story is about a teenager (played beautifully by Jamie Bell – who is exactly the kind of actor that Brad Renfro should have been if he didn’t start up with that heroine nonsense) who finds his best friend hanging from the rafters. He immediately turns around and goes home, not telling anyone about it. The movie kind of shoots off into a number of different directions at that point and it’s a bit hard to follow it all. However, when you have actors like Allison Janey, Glen Close, Carrie-Anne Moss and Rita Wilson running around, the movie is absolutely captivating. Of course, considering that it’s so indie, there are weird effects and some plot points that are a bit abstract. However, if you’re a cinephile like me, you will appreciate this movie on many levels.

The Oscar scandal of 2006. Yes, I believe that Brokeback Mountain should have won the Oscar for Best Picture, but as I said in my “Brokeback” post, I was just as happy that Ang Lee was the only one to walk away with a statue. His work was brilliant. I saw Crash when it first came out and while I found it to be a truly enjoyable, beautifully done movie, it was in no way as coherent or as fleshed out as Brokeback was. There were too many characters in Crash for it to have been as effective as Ang Lee’s pic turned out to be. True, the concepts of racism and intolerance are still prevalent and important to study in our current societal climate. However, this is the Oscars and it’s not supposed to be an award show focusing on educating people about life lessons. It’s supposed to be awards given for the best MOVIE. The directing, the acting, the production design, the editing…all of these components need to work together in a completely cohesive manner. And in my opinion, Crash did not succeed as well as Brokeback Mountain did. Also, considering that it’s the Hollywood elite that votes on the Academy Awards and considering that there were about a hundred high profile Hollywood mainstays involved with Crash, it became glaringly obvious to me that this was a popularity contest and not a true representation of what the Oscars should be about. This was not an example of Hollywood not being ready to accept gay male love in 2006. It was clearly as base and unfair as it was when we voted for Homecoming King and Queen in high school.

America's Next Top Model has returned! Oh man thank God! Listen…I know that many of you look at this show as a piece of trash, but that’s because you are closed-minded and haven’t even given it a shot. Last night was the two hour premiere and I gotta tell you, it’s going to be one of the best seasons yet! The first hour was focused on narrowing the contestants down from 32 to 13. The second hour was actually the premiere episode. And I gotta tell you…this is one of the ONLY shows on television that can introduce 13 characters and do it with so much detail that you walk away knowing just about everyone’s name. Crash producers should definitely take note. True, if you’re not into fashion…if you’re not into Tyra (how dare you!)…and if you’re not into DRAMA…then this show isn’t for you. But if you do enjoy the world of modeling (like I do) and if you enjoy watching people pulled directly from the ghetto and given the chance of pursuing their dreams, then this is definitely the show for you to watch. Say what you will, but I DID tear up during various parts of the show. These contestants are REAL and the show not only focuses on taking a beautiful picture, it more importantly focuses on each individual’s character transformation. It’s quite a trip and I would encourage you to forget what you know about reality television. Project Runway and America’s Next Top Model are among the best.

Fiona Apple’s Extraordinary Machine. BUY this disc. Or at least download the following two songs to whet your whistle: Extraordinary Machine and The Tymps (The Sick in the Head song). Fiona is back and she is better than ever. True, you must be into her kind of music to truly appreciate the genius that has come out of her head and into her piano. But man…I can’t stop listening to it. Her lyrics, her vocal fluidity, her need to take risks in everything she does...I’m so impressed. I was talking to my lovely Rita the other day and she said that “After Fiona released “When the Pawn…” I thought ‘burn me once shame on me…burn me twice…fuck you.’” I totally agree with that and Pawn was total crapsville. But Fiona went to sleep for awhile and woke up as good, if not better, than she was after her debut album. Give this bitch a try! You’ll be singing the “Tymps” over and over and over. And that is NEVER a bad thing.

Oh man I am totally becoming a chef! My most recent passion is finding new recipes to try out on my loved ones. As you remember from last week, I made this chicken/spinach/bacon thing that was the fucking bizamb! Last night I decided to make tuna melts. Simple you think, yes? NO! I used this recipe that I got from All Recipes and found out that I could add Dijon mustard, balsamic vinaigrette and I even learned how to toast my bread to perfection in the oven. The sandwiches were damn good and I’ve added the recipe to my repertoire. My next conquest…a roast. Do I even ATTEMPT a roast? This is coming from the kid who ate Velveeta macaroni and cheese every day of his life until the age of 25.

Another food discovery I’ve made? Popcorn with crumbled blue cheese on it. Oh stop. Put that barf back in your mouth. If you’re a fan of the stank cheese, DEFINITELY try this. So fucking good. In fact, it’s so good, it’s JOOD.

Ok…that should be it for today. I have so much more to say, such as the kick ass vacation I’ve got planned for this summer…but that will have to wait for another day.

Until then, I DARE you to choose one item from this list and become familiar with it. Pick something that is outside of your usual comfort zone and see if you appreciate it on the same level that I do. If not, then…um…well…FU. Or Fme. I could use a hot fuck these days.

Have a great one all!